THIS IS I.

djfrozt:

Posted by djfrozt

King Albert Park. Can’t believe this place is closing its doors. Back in the day, I used to work at the video store upstairs, age 17 to be exact. No its not Video EZ, if anyone is as old as I am now that little nook of a store used to be called called Hollywood Video. A dank and dark place reminisce of an adult film store that you would probably find littered in the Heart of Perth city. To take another stab at my youth again, they were VHS rentals. Yes, those ridiculous black bricks containing rolls of tape that no matter how much you try taking care of them, always gets moldy. Despite the little stores awkward location it always maintained its regular stream of customers, mainly consisting of expatriates and their giggly kids from nearby private schools. God knows how many numbers I’ve scored with the ladies recommending the Omen 3 for their slumber parties. Its works every time without fail. To prove that theory right I actually tried it again a couple of years later in Gramophone, the other record store I used to work in. 100 percent hit rate. The best part is, I haven’t even watched the movie before. Another highlight of King Albert back then was the introduction of Its indoor playground which used to take up most of the second floor when It first opened its doors to the public, not to mention the embarrassing Mcparties held in the room next door. Hamburglar and Grimace, who come up with these guys? Judging from his get up Hambuglar is a fugitive and a petty criminal that snatches cheeseburgers from the patrons of McDonalds. There’s a cash register and this guy is aiming for cheeseburgers. Grimace, a mountain of purple, what was this creature I would ask myself? My confused, young state of mind took the question to one of higher intelligence. “Mum, what’s the meaning of grimace?” her reply was, “oh, its like when you’re in pain, or maybe when you choke, you have that look in your face… That’s grimace.” So I grew up thinking Grimace was choking on a burger the Hamburglar offered it, maybe a bad pickle caused the pent up excruciating pain. Great. Thanks mum. To top off the weirdness, enter the Fry Guys. Mum, how can they be fries? Theres no such thing as blue and pink fries. I think that was the defining moment where my parents put a full stop on answering any questions regarding the origins of these characters ever again. I wonder why the jungle gym had to go though. It all ended so abruptly. I guess the management noticed there was more blood flowing down the slides than actual fun. I remember that There would always be an oversized buffalo of a kid mowing down the smaller ones. I don’t think Endless fighting and assaulting one another with the plastic colored balls from the ball pool was what Macs was trying to incorporate in their quest towards family fun. I wished they would have kept the miniature train that would encircle the eatery , I used to envision myself owning one myself and having it do that around my future apartment. From a place that expat parents used to dump their preschool kids, KAP has evolved into what it is now. A dump for older kids. Namely from the surrounding Ivy league schools along Bukit Timah, Ngee Ann poly and SiM . Buy one $2 cheeseburger, laptop in hand, pack of Marlboros and “lay-pak” after school. Anyone gives you a look, show them your half eaten stone cold burger and give them the dirty look back. Yes, I admit, guilty as charged. No space in the library? Go KAP lah. Hot day? Bus stop too packed? Go down KAP blow aircon first. No money to take your girlfriend out to dinner because you spent the last schillings of your miserable pocket money. Go KAP and redeem your Monopoly winnings. Free drink, free fries, free drink coupon. Kao dim. King Albert Park Macs, you will be dearly missed. By Ian Nicholas http://flpbd.it/drkGA

darkvixen28:

heymrhangman:

bretneyangela:

where-did-you-get-a-handgrenade:

idk-about-life:

sammyshadenoughnow:

leetakeuchi:

Gun-toting granny Ava Estelle, 81, was so ticked-off when two thugs raped her 18-year-old granddaughter that she tracked the unsuspecting ex-cons down… And shot off their testicles.

“The old lady spent a week hunting those men down and, when she found them, she took revenge on them in her own special way,” said police investigator Evan Delp.

Then she took a taxi to the nearest police station, laid the gun on the sergeant’s desk and told him as calm as could be: “Those bastards will never rape anybody again, by God.”

Cops say convicted rapist and robber Davis Furth, 33, lost both his penis and his testicles when outraged Ava opened fire with a 9-mm pistol in the hotel room where he and former prison cell mate Stanley Thomas, 29, were holed up.

The wrinkled avenger also blew Thomas’ testicles to kingdom come, but doctors managed to save his mangled penis, police said. “The one guy, Thomas, didn’t lose his manhood, but the doctor I talked to said he won’t be using it the way he used to,” Detective Delp told reporters. “Both men are still in pretty bad shape, but I think they’re just happy to be alive after what they’ve been through.”

The Rambo Granny swung into action August 21 after her granddaughter Debbie was carjacked and raped in broad daylight by two knife-wielding creeps in a section of town bordering on skid row. “When I saw the look on my Debbie’s face that night in the hospital, I decided I was going to go out and get those bastards myself ‘cause I figured the Law would go easy on them,”’ recalled the retired library worker. ” And I wasn’t scared of them, either - because I’ve got me a gun and I’ve been shooting’ all my life. And I wasn’t dumb enough to turn it in when the law changed about owning one.”

So, using a police artist’s sketch of the suspects and Debbie’s description of the sickos, tough-as-nails Ava spent seven days prowling the wino-infested neighbourhood where the crime took place till she spotted the ill-fated rapists entering their flophouse hotel.

“I knew it was them the minute I saw ‘em, but I shot a picture of ‘em anyway and took it back to Debbie and she said sure as hell, it was them,” the oldster recalled…

“So I went back to that hotel and found their room and knocked on the door, and the minute the big one opened the door, I shot ‘em right square between the legs, right where it would really hurt ‘em most, you know. Then I went in and shot the other one as he backed up pleading to me to spare him. Then I went down to the police station and turned myself in.”

Now, baffled lawmen are trying to figure out exactly how to deal with the vigilante granny.. “What she did was wrong, and she broke the law, but it is difficult to throw an 81-year-old woman in prison,” Det. Delp said, “especially when 3 million people in the city want to nominate her for Mayor.”

Holy shit .

Epic as FUCK.

will you be my grandma please

I’ve never had grandparents before

This is probably the greatest thing I’ve ever seen on tumblr.

And the Granny of the Year Award goes to….Ava! In my book she gets all the awards!

(Source: creativehypocrisy)

(Source: e-e-v-e-e)

An old Italian gentleman lived alone in New  Jersey .  He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard.  His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament: 

 Dear Vincent,  I am feeling pretty sad because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.  Love,  Papa  

A few days later he received a letter from his son. 

Dear Papa,   Don’t dig up that garden. That’ s where the bodies are buried.  Love,  Vinnie

At 4 a.m. The next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.  That same day the old man received another letter from his son.  

Dear Papa,  Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now.  That’s the best I could do under the circumstances.  Love you, Vinnie

(Source: catalogosphere)

Me and my Kangaroo friends pissed at some kid disturbing the peace.